White

Now that America is finally beginning to view Obama as a leader with potential - and not just the black candidate - I realize that we not only have about a 50% chance of electing our first black president, but there are equal odds that say we may be spending four years with the whitest-possible president. The more I see John McCain's face on television, the more I believe he might actually be one of the whitest men who ever lived.

To be clear, I don't really mean this in a Sinbad-esque, "white-boys-be-dancing-funny" way; this dude is just downright ghostly. His skin is the same milky color as his hair, leaving me with the impression that if he suffered any kind of flesh wound on the campaign trail, he may bleed a gooey custard confection like Bishop in Aliens.

Right about now you may be thinking that I am way off-base, and that Mr. Bush has set the bar pretty damned high for white boys in the Oval Office. You'd be wrong.

Bush is, indeed, a white man. (Just ask him!) No arguments there from me. However, his genetic whiteness is offset tremendously by his very red neck, which, when averaged out, makes him a newborn-piglet hue of pink. McCain - a moderate Republican- on the other hand, is vanilla through-and-through, like some sort of boring, politicized marshmallow man. Hell, forget about moderate - with his low-key presence and pallid skin tone, he's practically invisible.

While I would never typically vote Republican anyway, this realization emboldens my decision to support Obama. It's as if the G.O.P., utilizing the same counter-combat mentality that gave us a King Kong vs. Godzilla movie, built themselves a candidate out of dead Osmonds, tapioca and paper-mache, and set him loose in the primaries to battle the candidate of color in a showdown that would destroy Iowa.